The summer before I turned 16, I embarked on a project to watch every home video from my childhood, cataloging each one. I made my then-boyfriend help me (he was still in the early infatuation stage), and for many afternoons that summer, we camped out in my parents’ basement, rewinding, pausing, and fast-forwarding 60-odd hours of 8 mm footage. All the while, I scribbled notes in a Five Star spiral. Tape #10: Little league game. Tape #22: Elementary talent show, Xmas 1997.
I’ve cataloged those tapes repeatedly throughout the years, progressing from notebook paper to Google spreadsheets. I use “organization” as my excuse to keep watching. Or my memoir. I need to re-watch the footage for research, I tell myself. But who am I kidding?
When I learned Enneagram 4s are past-oriented numbers, it all made sense—why I am the one in my family always watching and rewatching these videos. Too many nights, I’ve found myself tucked beneath the covers, blue light washing over me as I watch the video…
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