I feel very seen by this writing. My anger has slipped twice in my lifetime. Once in a work meeting where I was clearly dismissed and deeply disrespected. Once in a parked car on the phone with my ex during our separation. And both times I was just watched as being ridiculous... I still feel anger come up in various situations, but I don't know how to express it either. I tell my therapist, "It's like on the outside, in the moment, I'm frozen and small. But inside my head I'm screaming and throwing dishes on the floor."
Thank you for writing this. My heart needed to hear I'm not alone when I'm angry, and I'm not crazy for it either.
Like others I relate to this piece so so deeply. Though I am not sure how we move from this recognition that our anger is justified into actual empowerment. Women seeing each other and supporting each other is such an important first step and I am relieved to see others freely sharing these feelings, but at some point we need men to understand these things too. It brings to mind that clip of Meryl Streep I've seen circulating recently where she talks about how women grow up and learn how to speak and dream in 'men,' but men don't do the same for women. I have no answers, just appreciation for this thoughtful piece of writing.
Also, I am going to look up that book that Monica recommends below!
I love this. As someone else who was deeply discouraged from ever expressing anger, my life changes when I read the book Rage Becomes Her by Soraya Chemaly. It has been a few years since I read it, but I remember feeling so deeply seen by it. It made me feel more free to express my anger, even if only to myself or to my husband and trusted friends, and to know that I wasn’t “crazy” for feeling so angry about everything swirling around me.
I feel so seen by this. I was right there with you at that airline counter, shaking my head that the man treated your husband far better than he treated you. Been there. 😡
I was frightened by and forced to confront my own rage as a new mother. It’s tragic that cultural messaging belittles and suppresses women’s rage. What always came up for me when I was angry: I’m being inconvenient. That’s so damaging.
Your questions about how our rage can fuel righteous work for change are so timely. In recent years, I’ve been more tender toward that part of myself and more willing to say what I need. It certainly helps quell my resentment.
Thank you for writing this. It’s a beautiful piece.
Thank you for reading, Julie -- and for sharing your own experiences. I've had too many conversations with friends who are mothers about rage and how it's so unexpected/never talked about. I love the idea of being intentionally more tender towards that part of myself and allowing myself to be firm/angry when necessary. Thank you again. xx
Kayti, this is soooooo good. Relatable. I'm grateful for your reflections here, and your questions. You put words into a universal experience for many, many women, and that's tough to do here - because the discrimination is often so covert that describing it is, I believe in part, what contributes to our outbursts of rage. I'm totally sharing this today.
This. All of this. I actually channeled my rage into my voice and writing a song when Roe v. Wade was overturned - it's a song called "Battle Cry" by Jourdan Rystrom. I think you'd love it. Not sure if you can share links here, but you can search and find it on Spotify/Apple Music/YouTube.
To everyone here reading, know that I SEE you - I hear you - I AM you - and remember... our ANGER IS SACRED.
For me, it was all about finding powerful, potent, healthy channels for the rage to come through - especially through ART! Writing, singing, songwriting, spoken word, somatic experiencing, etc...
Thank you Kayti for bringing this topic to light again. What we think is our "shadow" is actually our greatest, most sacred power and catalyst for change.
Oh my gosh, thank you so much! As an indie artist who invests all her own resources into writing, recording, and sharing music (as many artists do, only to hope to be someday seen and shared by others)... your support means A LOT. xx
Here is the lyric video - especially if you want to hear more on the epic quotes (from powerful women fighting for our rights around the world) that encompass the bridge - check this version out!
I feel very seen by this writing. My anger has slipped twice in my lifetime. Once in a work meeting where I was clearly dismissed and deeply disrespected. Once in a parked car on the phone with my ex during our separation. And both times I was just watched as being ridiculous... I still feel anger come up in various situations, but I don't know how to express it either. I tell my therapist, "It's like on the outside, in the moment, I'm frozen and small. But inside my head I'm screaming and throwing dishes on the floor."
Thank you for writing this. My heart needed to hear I'm not alone when I'm angry, and I'm not crazy for it either.
You're not alone (and you're not crazy). Thank you for reading and sharing your experience, Elizabeth. I know so many of us can relate.
Like others I relate to this piece so so deeply. Though I am not sure how we move from this recognition that our anger is justified into actual empowerment. Women seeing each other and supporting each other is such an important first step and I am relieved to see others freely sharing these feelings, but at some point we need men to understand these things too. It brings to mind that clip of Meryl Streep I've seen circulating recently where she talks about how women grow up and learn how to speak and dream in 'men,' but men don't do the same for women. I have no answers, just appreciation for this thoughtful piece of writing.
Also, I am going to look up that book that Monica recommends below!
Oof, this is so important and true. I haven't seen this clip (going to look it up). Thank you for sharing, Megan!
I love this. As someone else who was deeply discouraged from ever expressing anger, my life changes when I read the book Rage Becomes Her by Soraya Chemaly. It has been a few years since I read it, but I remember feeling so deeply seen by it. It made me feel more free to express my anger, even if only to myself or to my husband and trusted friends, and to know that I wasn’t “crazy” for feeling so angry about everything swirling around me.
Adding this book to my TBR list now! Thank you for sharing. xo
This is the book I thought of too! A good reminder to move it up on my tbr list.
I feel so seen by this. I was right there with you at that airline counter, shaking my head that the man treated your husband far better than he treated you. Been there. 😡
I was frightened by and forced to confront my own rage as a new mother. It’s tragic that cultural messaging belittles and suppresses women’s rage. What always came up for me when I was angry: I’m being inconvenient. That’s so damaging.
Your questions about how our rage can fuel righteous work for change are so timely. In recent years, I’ve been more tender toward that part of myself and more willing to say what I need. It certainly helps quell my resentment.
Thank you for writing this. It’s a beautiful piece.
Thank you for reading, Julie -- and for sharing your own experiences. I've had too many conversations with friends who are mothers about rage and how it's so unexpected/never talked about. I love the idea of being intentionally more tender towards that part of myself and allowing myself to be firm/angry when necessary. Thank you again. xx
Kayti, this is soooooo good. Relatable. I'm grateful for your reflections here, and your questions. You put words into a universal experience for many, many women, and that's tough to do here - because the discrimination is often so covert that describing it is, I believe in part, what contributes to our outbursts of rage. I'm totally sharing this today.
As always: ❤️❤️❤️
Wow, this is such an incredible and important piece. Thank you for bringing to life the reality of what so many of us feel 💚
This. All of this. I actually channeled my rage into my voice and writing a song when Roe v. Wade was overturned - it's a song called "Battle Cry" by Jourdan Rystrom. I think you'd love it. Not sure if you can share links here, but you can search and find it on Spotify/Apple Music/YouTube.
To everyone here reading, know that I SEE you - I hear you - I AM you - and remember... our ANGER IS SACRED.
For me, it was all about finding powerful, potent, healthy channels for the rage to come through - especially through ART! Writing, singing, songwriting, spoken word, somatic experiencing, etc...
Thank you Kayti for bringing this topic to light again. What we think is our "shadow" is actually our greatest, most sacred power and catalyst for change.
Jourdan, this is SO GOOD. Linking it here, but I'm to include it in the next newsletter too. Thank you for your art!!
https://open.spotify.com/album/6y2avWfn6NvSthpADGNHFF
Oh my gosh, thank you so much! As an indie artist who invests all her own resources into writing, recording, and sharing music (as many artists do, only to hope to be someday seen and shared by others)... your support means A LOT. xx
Here is the lyric video - especially if you want to hear more on the epic quotes (from powerful women fighting for our rights around the world) that encompass the bridge - check this version out!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiH73ib0Gq0
Thanks again for sharing, it truly means the world.
Thank you for this ❤️
Thank you!
Thank you for sharing, Madeline - I hope your three year old is recovering! Your rage is so valid xo