Thinking of you, Kayti. I pray that you receive the win you so deserve, in the form of a tiny little person with eyes just like your hubby’s.
I’m so glad you mentioned the duality of life because I truly believe that you sharing this journey, as hard as it can, is simultaneously leading to you becoming the writer that you are. There are few subscribed mails I click on instantly to read, and yours is one. You inspire me in so many ways, your writing and strength two of them. Thank you for sharing your words with us. They are absolutely sacred and I appreciate the privilege to read them. 🫶🏾
Ah Kayti. I wish you both the best of luck, not that I believe you need it. Your caption the other day really hit hard. Missing the version of yourself most. I relate. Missing the version of myself that never wondered, that wasn't riddled with supplements and anxiety galore. Just know that you have people rooting for you, and your future blue-eyed babe. Now, go get 'em!
Kayti, I remember being in that place of tension you describe here - between the yearning to be a mother and not-yet-a-mother. Between what it means to be a childless woman who isn't even considering motherhood, to a childless woman who aches to hold her likeness.
I find that, as I age, life's paradoxes become more prevalent to me than when I was young and naive. The ambivalence you describe is, to me, a reflection of what it means to be human and to be alive. It's an awareness that everything and everyone is somewhere on the spectrum between hope and fear.
And you can claim your place within both hope and fear. Your heart might shatter for those who are dying and for the senseless violence we know is happening. Your heart can also shatter for the suffering you've endured.
While also...
Bursting with the hope that new life will emerge in human form as the child you've desired. The hope that all humans might love and live without senselessness and violence.
I think, for me, that's both the beauty and burden of growing into myself at age almost-43. There's so much to absorb, to feel, to capture in one's heart. And mostly, it's too much. But for the highly sensitive, it is also a testament of the Something Greater, whatever it is and wherever it is, that keeps us moving forward.
Thank you for putting words to my feelings -- it's so helpful reading this and being reminded that life often only exists in paradoxes, and it's up to us to decide how we will navigate the messiness. I love how you phrased that last paragraph: "a beauty and burden of growing into oneself." I find, as I grow older, I return to the Something Greater more and more, both out of desire and desperation.
As always, thank you for reading and sharing your wisdom. xo
I am with you, Kayti. The desire and desperation of pursuing the Something Greater cannot be resolved in this life, I believe. It's also why I return to Rilke's poem, Be Patient Toward all that is Unsolved.
Sending lots of love and good ovary vibes your way! I recognize a lot of these feelings, for different reasons and in different ways, but I feel you. I hope hope hope you get the baby you deserve <3
I am not so ignorant as to claim that I know exactly how you feel, but I can say that I resonate with the struggle of learning to embrace both the desire for independence and motherhood. I am nowhere near the path to be a mother, but the want it definitely there. And I also recognize that we are taught to be ashamed of wanting both from within and from the outside, which is
Praying for you and your family - present and future!
Thinking of you, Kayti. I pray that you receive the win you so deserve, in the form of a tiny little person with eyes just like your hubby’s.
I’m so glad you mentioned the duality of life because I truly believe that you sharing this journey, as hard as it can, is simultaneously leading to you becoming the writer that you are. There are few subscribed mails I click on instantly to read, and yours is one. You inspire me in so many ways, your writing and strength two of them. Thank you for sharing your words with us. They are absolutely sacred and I appreciate the privilege to read them. 🫶🏾
Wow, thank you so much Tendani. These words mean more than you know. Truly 💜
Ah Kayti. I wish you both the best of luck, not that I believe you need it. Your caption the other day really hit hard. Missing the version of yourself most. I relate. Missing the version of myself that never wondered, that wasn't riddled with supplements and anxiety galore. Just know that you have people rooting for you, and your future blue-eyed babe. Now, go get 'em!
It's so unfair that you understand this journey too. Wishing/hoping/believing with all my being that things will change for the both of us. <3
Kayti, good luck. Like Yoda said, "The force is stonger in you"
Love this! Thank you.
You're welcome Kayti and good luck
Kayti, I remember being in that place of tension you describe here - between the yearning to be a mother and not-yet-a-mother. Between what it means to be a childless woman who isn't even considering motherhood, to a childless woman who aches to hold her likeness.
I find that, as I age, life's paradoxes become more prevalent to me than when I was young and naive. The ambivalence you describe is, to me, a reflection of what it means to be human and to be alive. It's an awareness that everything and everyone is somewhere on the spectrum between hope and fear.
And you can claim your place within both hope and fear. Your heart might shatter for those who are dying and for the senseless violence we know is happening. Your heart can also shatter for the suffering you've endured.
While also...
Bursting with the hope that new life will emerge in human form as the child you've desired. The hope that all humans might love and live without senselessness and violence.
I think, for me, that's both the beauty and burden of growing into myself at age almost-43. There's so much to absorb, to feel, to capture in one's heart. And mostly, it's too much. But for the highly sensitive, it is also a testament of the Something Greater, whatever it is and wherever it is, that keeps us moving forward.
I wish you all the best and send ❤️ to you.
Thank you for putting words to my feelings -- it's so helpful reading this and being reminded that life often only exists in paradoxes, and it's up to us to decide how we will navigate the messiness. I love how you phrased that last paragraph: "a beauty and burden of growing into oneself." I find, as I grow older, I return to the Something Greater more and more, both out of desire and desperation.
As always, thank you for reading and sharing your wisdom. xo
I am with you, Kayti. The desire and desperation of pursuing the Something Greater cannot be resolved in this life, I believe. It's also why I return to Rilke's poem, Be Patient Toward all that is Unsolved.
Lots of love and light your way...
Sending lots of love and good ovary vibes your way! I recognize a lot of these feelings, for different reasons and in different ways, but I feel you. I hope hope hope you get the baby you deserve <3
Thanks so much Anne xo
I appreciate your writing so much and I'm wishing you all the joy and success on this journey!
I am not so ignorant as to claim that I know exactly how you feel, but I can say that I resonate with the struggle of learning to embrace both the desire for independence and motherhood. I am nowhere near the path to be a mother, but the want it definitely there. And I also recognize that we are taught to be ashamed of wanting both from within and from the outside, which is
Praying for you and your family - present and future!
Thinking of you. Wishing you only good.
Oof this resonated. Thank you for sharing your nuanced insights on this journey 💜 Sending you good wishes!
Holding you close.
Sending good magik your way today, and into the coming days, Kayti!