We bought the house on a Tuesday. The pink-washed bungalow from the fifties had white paneled walls and laminate floor covering the original hardwood. Three small bedrooms and a fireplace. Oversized windows filtering in warmth and natural light. Our realtor, who is also a friend, called as I was driving to acupuncture. It was the afternoon, and the spring heat in southern california was beginning to make itself known. The air conditioner and traffic muffled her voice, even on speakerphone, so I leaned towards the dashboard just in time to hear her.
I loved this piece a lot for your honest account and movement of feelings and thoughts and I’m so sorry, but I truly believe you are on the path to finding the right house. It’s so hard to let go of the could be’s, the potentials, in all areas of life really. It’s hard to listen to our inner truth some times but you did and it will lead you to some thing better.
I am a big believer in trusting my gut instincts. Glad you trusted your inner voice. You conveyed your feelings so vividly. I enjoyed reading it very much.
This essay taught me your grief. Thank you for your vulnerability! And I’m so sorry it’s been so hard.
I’ve know that book failure-to-launch syndrome, too, and it’s hard to quantify what it means for those who haven’t felt it. But it’s a gash that doesn’t easily heal.
ahh the nuance in alllllllll of these scenarios and feelings. the realness of them. so many quotable and relatable sentences and paragraphs. your writing! god, your writing. always a gift to read, and I hope it was helpful to write. 🧡
"My dad, a roofing professional, was in town for a work trip, so he agreed to come by. When he pulled his car into the neighborhood, I stood on the sidewalk and pointed out where to park, as if this was an ordinary weekday and for years I’d been telling visitors where to park their cars."
you can adopt and be there for loved ones and generally bend with the punches but this right here is something grasped firmly, and in your control. Your own gift. It creates a situation that describes so much more, a simple deception like driving to the basket but feinting to get the layup. I'd put my $ on you....so well and genuinely shared words and for sure better than any therapy. Acupuncture? I'll stay outta that.
I hope you're incredibly proud of yourself for having the self-awareness to recognize that you were trying to control one situation because the other ones weren't working out. Keep putting it out into the universe and the right home will show itself.
Oh, Kayti - I'm so sorry about the house. We had a similar experience once — the inspection guy actually sat us down to give us a 30-minute power point presentation on everything that was wrong with the house we had fallen in love with and put an offer on — and the mixed feelings of grief and relief when we had to walk away. The right thing will come, I promise. This one didn't work out because there's something better for you guys coming soon. Thank you, as always, for your stunning writing and openness.
Oh my gosh this resonated with me so much :'( a recent ADHD iagnosis I feel I am pining for the past and relationships lost, things that may have happened, things I may have accomplished had I had theright therapies and medications later. Wanting to constantly move county or country, never feeling settled, always alone and depressed. Picking up and dropping hobbies. Feeling under appreciated. I too would've fallen for the house and thought way too far ahead. My heart goes out to you this all feelings so familiar.xxxx talk to someone therapist or even online if you can. Best thing. Xx A from Norfolk.
Really beautiful and raw piece, Kayti. Sending you so much love and strength, thank you for sharing xx and here’s to finding that house that will make letting go of this one make sense x
My heart aches for you in so many ways. 🥺 keep your head up. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel here somewhere-but man do I understand the feeling of feeling like everything around you is just not panning out. You are an incredible writer. 💛
I loved this piece a lot for your honest account and movement of feelings and thoughts and I’m so sorry, but I truly believe you are on the path to finding the right house. It’s so hard to let go of the could be’s, the potentials, in all areas of life really. It’s hard to listen to our inner truth some times but you did and it will lead you to some thing better.
I am a big believer in trusting my gut instincts. Glad you trusted your inner voice. You conveyed your feelings so vividly. I enjoyed reading it very much.
This essay taught me your grief. Thank you for your vulnerability! And I’m so sorry it’s been so hard.
I’ve know that book failure-to-launch syndrome, too, and it’s hard to quantify what it means for those who haven’t felt it. But it’s a gash that doesn’t easily heal.
We've been in this same position lately and I feel this so acutely. I hope you find home as soon as possible.
“With very little effort, you can live in a reality that isn’t yours and isn’t meant for you.” A very profound statement, Kayti. Thank you.
ahh the nuance in alllllllll of these scenarios and feelings. the realness of them. so many quotable and relatable sentences and paragraphs. your writing! god, your writing. always a gift to read, and I hope it was helpful to write. 🧡
"My dad, a roofing professional, was in town for a work trip, so he agreed to come by. When he pulled his car into the neighborhood, I stood on the sidewalk and pointed out where to park, as if this was an ordinary weekday and for years I’d been telling visitors where to park their cars."
you can adopt and be there for loved ones and generally bend with the punches but this right here is something grasped firmly, and in your control. Your own gift. It creates a situation that describes so much more, a simple deception like driving to the basket but feinting to get the layup. I'd put my $ on you....so well and genuinely shared words and for sure better than any therapy. Acupuncture? I'll stay outta that.
I hope you're incredibly proud of yourself for having the self-awareness to recognize that you were trying to control one situation because the other ones weren't working out. Keep putting it out into the universe and the right home will show itself.
"Movement feels good. It feels like progress even when it isn’t." <-- this line right here!!
Oh, Kayti - I'm so sorry about the house. We had a similar experience once — the inspection guy actually sat us down to give us a 30-minute power point presentation on everything that was wrong with the house we had fallen in love with and put an offer on — and the mixed feelings of grief and relief when we had to walk away. The right thing will come, I promise. This one didn't work out because there's something better for you guys coming soon. Thank you, as always, for your stunning writing and openness.
Beautifully written. Emotional and heartfelt and true. Thank you for sharing and best wishes going forward with all you’re juggling.
Oh my gosh this resonated with me so much :'( a recent ADHD iagnosis I feel I am pining for the past and relationships lost, things that may have happened, things I may have accomplished had I had theright therapies and medications later. Wanting to constantly move county or country, never feeling settled, always alone and depressed. Picking up and dropping hobbies. Feeling under appreciated. I too would've fallen for the house and thought way too far ahead. My heart goes out to you this all feelings so familiar.xxxx talk to someone therapist or even online if you can. Best thing. Xx A from Norfolk.
Really beautiful and raw piece, Kayti. Sending you so much love and strength, thank you for sharing xx and here’s to finding that house that will make letting go of this one make sense x
Kayti, this is both beautiful and real. Thank you. Reality is a funny thing. What we think we know…and what we don’t. I’m so sorry for your losses.
My heart aches for you in so many ways. 🥺 keep your head up. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel here somewhere-but man do I understand the feeling of feeling like everything around you is just not panning out. You are an incredible writer. 💛
28 months :( I’m at 12 and I am losing my shit...