I finally got around to reading this, and I felt it in my stomach and my chest, the places where anxiety writhes when it’s left unchecked. I used to be stuck in that state of being, of feeling like everything can hurt me and nothing will be ok. It took me a long time to change my thinking, but now when I find myself slipping, I’m able to let the feeling play out and then let it go.
Everything might turn out ok, or it might not. But we can’t control everything. It’s a hard thing to accept. I still struggle with it sometimes. I’ve taken to saying “everything happens” as an alternative to “everything happens for a reason.” Everything happens, and we adjust.
Thanks again for sharing my poem. And thanks as always for sharing your words.
"Everything might turn out ok, or it might not. But we can’t control everything. It’s a hard thing to accept." << I felt this pierce me. What a beautiful and tragic truth. To be alive is to experience it all. I love your alternative "everything happens." So powerful.
Love this piece, Kayti. I can relate. After two miscarriages in 2018 I became overwhelmed with anxiety and fear of what might be or not be in my future. Suddenly I began to experience catastrophic thoughts regarding anything important in my life. Things amplified once I had my first son in 2020 and covid hit. I was too anxious to leave the house, too anxious to pack a diaper bag. The smallest things became big and unnerving. I’ve gotten better at managing my fearful thoughts and allowed myself to believe in the joy and the “what if it turns out okay” way of thinking. It seems the seasons filled with sad events make for cloudy thoughts and the seasons full of joyful events for clear, happy thoughts.
I love your raw honesty and your strength to rewire what can be all consuming.
I also have to thank you for the grand gesture of sharing my article on compassion. It is beyond generous and I so appreciate your time and dedication to supporting the people who support you.
Beautiful thought Kayti .... I think this is why I love the the sky above; it just reminds me and offers me, the possible, and surely Hope and therefore belief that there is always more good than bad, and more love than hate and more light than dark.. (you can find me looking up any morning or the evening too) 💛
Kayti, your words always land so softly in my heart. But these have somehow worked their way into my soul.
I’m a very anxious and sensitive person, always have been and I’m starting to accept that to some degree I always will be. Your words are exactly everything I’ve been feeling lately and it’s comforting to know that others feel them too. Some days I struggle to let go of those intrusive thoughts and the what ifs.
Last year I decided to try and befriend my anxiety and let her have a seat at the table without running the show. Instead I would ask myself ‘What if everything went well? What if everything went right?’
Recently I’ve been struggling to get back to that place of acceptance, instead of wallowing in the dark thoughts, but you’ve reminded me to keep going and keep believing in the good things that will happen x
Thanks so much for sharing, Jenna. Your words offer so much tenderness. The intrusive thoughts can be so frustrating and difficult to navigate. I love how you’ve framed it by allowing your anxiety to have a seat at the table. It’s hard work, but you’re doing it! Cheering you and your soft heart on <3
Also, I am so happy you're writing your memoir! Please know I'm here to support you, Kayti. I read your article and have to say - I am Catholic, and our convictions about fertility and reproduction are VERY rigid. I totally understand the struggle you are experiencing between the God you were raised with and the God you're trying to understand now. There are so many layers to that.
In my own memoir, I tell the story about how Catholic indoctrination, through the interpretation of my mother, influenced my decision to never use any form of contraception and how my husband Ben and I ended up dealing with infertility treatments (but IVF is forbidden) to get pregnant with our 3 daughters, then how I got pregnant without wanting to with our 2 sons.
And how I started losing my mind, because I either had to stay permanently abstinent in order to avoid pregnancy again, or I had to add more complicated charting methods that were expensive, time consuming, and... no.
I decided I would pursue a hysterectomy, which is only acceptable in Catholicism if you have a medical reason to get one. Fortunately, I did. But I met other Catholic women who did not.
All that to say your story hit home. Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing it.
Oof, so much to unpack here! It sounds like there is a lot of overlap in our circles. I need to get my hands on your memoir so that I can read more about your story. Can you drop a link below so others can see it to? ❤️
Thanks for asking, Kayti. That's generous of you. It's not published yet. I am on my fourth draft. If you still would like to see it, I'd be happy to send it to you via email. Feel free to DM me about it if you're interested. I am looking for beta readers. Just finished drafting my book proposal and my query to start pitching to agents this fall. Up to you. No worries either way!
Wow this came at the moment I need it most. Your writing about overcoming grief and darkness fills my heart with hope. Thank you. 😭🫂
❤️❤️
I finally got around to reading this, and I felt it in my stomach and my chest, the places where anxiety writhes when it’s left unchecked. I used to be stuck in that state of being, of feeling like everything can hurt me and nothing will be ok. It took me a long time to change my thinking, but now when I find myself slipping, I’m able to let the feeling play out and then let it go.
Everything might turn out ok, or it might not. But we can’t control everything. It’s a hard thing to accept. I still struggle with it sometimes. I’ve taken to saying “everything happens” as an alternative to “everything happens for a reason.” Everything happens, and we adjust.
Thanks again for sharing my poem. And thanks as always for sharing your words.
"Everything might turn out ok, or it might not. But we can’t control everything. It’s a hard thing to accept." << I felt this pierce me. What a beautiful and tragic truth. To be alive is to experience it all. I love your alternative "everything happens." So powerful.
Love this piece, Kayti. I can relate. After two miscarriages in 2018 I became overwhelmed with anxiety and fear of what might be or not be in my future. Suddenly I began to experience catastrophic thoughts regarding anything important in my life. Things amplified once I had my first son in 2020 and covid hit. I was too anxious to leave the house, too anxious to pack a diaper bag. The smallest things became big and unnerving. I’ve gotten better at managing my fearful thoughts and allowed myself to believe in the joy and the “what if it turns out okay” way of thinking. It seems the seasons filled with sad events make for cloudy thoughts and the seasons full of joyful events for clear, happy thoughts.
I love your raw honesty and your strength to rewire what can be all consuming.
I also have to thank you for the grand gesture of sharing my article on compassion. It is beyond generous and I so appreciate your time and dedication to supporting the people who support you.
Hoping it all turns out okay and more for you.
J
So much love to you, Jennifer. Thank you for sharing all of this xoxo
Also had this realization of "what if I'm...just going to be okay?" and its a very powerful thing. Loved your note. Thank you!
Beautiful thought Kayti .... I think this is why I love the the sky above; it just reminds me and offers me, the possible, and surely Hope and therefore belief that there is always more good than bad, and more love than hate and more light than dark.. (you can find me looking up any morning or the evening too) 💛
Thank you for this! I am fighting the worst case scenario all the time and it is exhausting!
lovely. thank you. 💜
Kayti, your words always land so softly in my heart. But these have somehow worked their way into my soul.
I’m a very anxious and sensitive person, always have been and I’m starting to accept that to some degree I always will be. Your words are exactly everything I’ve been feeling lately and it’s comforting to know that others feel them too. Some days I struggle to let go of those intrusive thoughts and the what ifs.
Last year I decided to try and befriend my anxiety and let her have a seat at the table without running the show. Instead I would ask myself ‘What if everything went well? What if everything went right?’
Recently I’ve been struggling to get back to that place of acceptance, instead of wallowing in the dark thoughts, but you’ve reminded me to keep going and keep believing in the good things that will happen x
Thanks so much for sharing, Jenna. Your words offer so much tenderness. The intrusive thoughts can be so frustrating and difficult to navigate. I love how you’ve framed it by allowing your anxiety to have a seat at the table. It’s hard work, but you’re doing it! Cheering you and your soft heart on <3
Thank you Kayti, that’s so very kind. Your support means so much x
Love this. Needed this!
Also, I am so happy you're writing your memoir! Please know I'm here to support you, Kayti. I read your article and have to say - I am Catholic, and our convictions about fertility and reproduction are VERY rigid. I totally understand the struggle you are experiencing between the God you were raised with and the God you're trying to understand now. There are so many layers to that.
In my own memoir, I tell the story about how Catholic indoctrination, through the interpretation of my mother, influenced my decision to never use any form of contraception and how my husband Ben and I ended up dealing with infertility treatments (but IVF is forbidden) to get pregnant with our 3 daughters, then how I got pregnant without wanting to with our 2 sons.
And how I started losing my mind, because I either had to stay permanently abstinent in order to avoid pregnancy again, or I had to add more complicated charting methods that were expensive, time consuming, and... no.
I decided I would pursue a hysterectomy, which is only acceptable in Catholicism if you have a medical reason to get one. Fortunately, I did. But I met other Catholic women who did not.
All that to say your story hit home. Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing it.
Oof, so much to unpack here! It sounds like there is a lot of overlap in our circles. I need to get my hands on your memoir so that I can read more about your story. Can you drop a link below so others can see it to? ❤️
Thanks for asking, Kayti. That's generous of you. It's not published yet. I am on my fourth draft. If you still would like to see it, I'd be happy to send it to you via email. Feel free to DM me about it if you're interested. I am looking for beta readers. Just finished drafting my book proposal and my query to start pitching to agents this fall. Up to you. No worries either way!
Congrats on your TODAY essay, Kayti! I'm not surprised. You are a true writer of the heart.
Thank you Jeannie! 🥹 xo