Perhaps the secret isn’t to rid my life of envy but to choose what and how I envy instead. What would it mean to envy the good, the beautiful, the dreams I wish for my family and self?
I share your experiences with envy. Here's my take on emotions of all varieties: they are teachers, mentors. They are pointing to something inside of us that needs our attention. Envy can tell me what I desire yet lack, and my response can be either discouragement (often) or bolstered courage (not often) to determine what steps I can take to get closer to what I want. Of course, there are many, many things beyond my control that I had no say in and do not get to change (like one of my daughters having a rare craniofacial condition).
I believe emotions are valuable, in the sense that they lead us to a broader understanding of the full human experience. We can sit with them for a while, because they will pass. They ebb and flow, like all of life, anyway.
When I feel envy (or anything) related to something I cannot change or control, then I know it's about my perspective. How can I shift my lens to see something, however small or slight, that uplifts or encourages me? Might I be able to uplift or encourage someone else today? To notice the tension of envy related to uncertainty or unfamiliarity or lack of control is important to me. It helps me note what parts of me are bruised and need some love, some compassion, some time. And yes, the goal for me is peace and contentment, but sometimes it is a long road to get there.
I don’t think I’ve ever needed to read something more than I have this piece, and I am beyond grateful to have stumbled upon it. I read this with tears in my eyes, your words resonating so deeply with what I’ve been feeling of late. The envy of witnessing others having what I desire for myself, yet the guilt that ultimately follows because I have a beautiful life and home.
What hit me the most was the part about envying the lightness of others, of how they move through life seemingly unfazed by thoughts that seem to have me in chokehold constantly.
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability, it has made me feel less alone and also feel hopeful that I can have everything I desire, despite those conflicting feelings 🤍
So brave to share these feelings in such a beautiful way. This makes me think of evolution - the desire to have more, to be more is such a natural, good thing. Without this desire for more, there would be no life. Envy has a shadow side, and it’s not evil by all means.
We are imperfectly perfect humans. Being gentle & kind to yourself (ourselves), is something to work on everyday and forever that's for sure. And, all your/our thoughts are of value and as a society, I feel when we try to be honest and share these thoughts (especially when perceived as "negative") - people seem to want to blow them away with "be positive" comments .. it's okay to say nothing at all and just be present. Love to read your thoughts! Sweet weekend to you! 🌿
I enjoyed reading your piece, Kayti. I wrote something similar about dealing with jealousy on my Substack recently. It's important to recognise that negative emotions are just as human as positive ones, and we can't control what we feel. However, we can control how we react to them. Often, we try to suppress negative emotions, but emotions are simply energy. In my mindfulness teacher training, we learned to pay attention to our emotions, accept them without judgment, and allow ourselves to let them go. I love these three steps!
Beautiful prose, Kayti.
I share your experiences with envy. Here's my take on emotions of all varieties: they are teachers, mentors. They are pointing to something inside of us that needs our attention. Envy can tell me what I desire yet lack, and my response can be either discouragement (often) or bolstered courage (not often) to determine what steps I can take to get closer to what I want. Of course, there are many, many things beyond my control that I had no say in and do not get to change (like one of my daughters having a rare craniofacial condition).
I believe emotions are valuable, in the sense that they lead us to a broader understanding of the full human experience. We can sit with them for a while, because they will pass. They ebb and flow, like all of life, anyway.
When I feel envy (or anything) related to something I cannot change or control, then I know it's about my perspective. How can I shift my lens to see something, however small or slight, that uplifts or encourages me? Might I be able to uplift or encourage someone else today? To notice the tension of envy related to uncertainty or unfamiliarity or lack of control is important to me. It helps me note what parts of me are bruised and need some love, some compassion, some time. And yes, the goal for me is peace and contentment, but sometimes it is a long road to get there.
I don’t think I’ve ever needed to read something more than I have this piece, and I am beyond grateful to have stumbled upon it. I read this with tears in my eyes, your words resonating so deeply with what I’ve been feeling of late. The envy of witnessing others having what I desire for myself, yet the guilt that ultimately follows because I have a beautiful life and home.
What hit me the most was the part about envying the lightness of others, of how they move through life seemingly unfazed by thoughts that seem to have me in chokehold constantly.
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability, it has made me feel less alone and also feel hopeful that I can have everything I desire, despite those conflicting feelings 🤍
So brave to share these feelings in such a beautiful way. This makes me think of evolution - the desire to have more, to be more is such a natural, good thing. Without this desire for more, there would be no life. Envy has a shadow side, and it’s not evil by all means.
such a strange motivating force. thanks for this.
May we all envy well 🤍
We are imperfectly perfect humans. Being gentle & kind to yourself (ourselves), is something to work on everyday and forever that's for sure. And, all your/our thoughts are of value and as a society, I feel when we try to be honest and share these thoughts (especially when perceived as "negative") - people seem to want to blow them away with "be positive" comments .. it's okay to say nothing at all and just be present. Love to read your thoughts! Sweet weekend to you! 🌿
I so want to be the person who can sit and enjoy a sunset and not think about my to-do list. I will get there! Love this piece, friend.
Something I needed to hear today. Thank you. <3
I enjoyed reading your piece, Kayti. I wrote something similar about dealing with jealousy on my Substack recently. It's important to recognise that negative emotions are just as human as positive ones, and we can't control what we feel. However, we can control how we react to them. Often, we try to suppress negative emotions, but emotions are simply energy. In my mindfulness teacher training, we learned to pay attention to our emotions, accept them without judgment, and allow ourselves to let them go. I love these three steps!